by eHarmony UK
We know how it is; you’re on a first date, your nerves start getting the better of you and you blurt out something that kills the mood instantly. Well, we can help. While we’d never advocate being anything but yourself on a date, there are a few facts that you’re best not to share straight-away (and, in some cases, not at all!) Here’s our top 10 list of facts you should never share on a first date.
1. I have really high standards
When you’re dating, it’s good to know what you want; after all, the more you know yourself, the more you’ll know what kind of person you want to spend your life with. But just because something is important to you, doesn’t mean that everyone else feels the same. If you love fashion, for example, but your date prefers to dress down, that doesn’t mean that they’re not good enough for you, you’re just not compatible. Move on but always be polite – nobody needs to be put down while dating
It’s not surprising that most of us would prefer a long weekend lie-in to the day-to-day slog of the working week, but being too negative on a first date is a guaranteed turn off. Try to keep the conversation topics light-hearted and upbeat, talk about subjects that you love and your passion will shine through – and adding a little humour to the mix never hurts!
3. This place is okay, but it wouldn’t be my first choice
If someone’s made the effort to plan your date – and you didn’t raise your concerns in the arranging stages – then insulting their choice of venue is unlikely to score you a second date. Sure, that bar or restaurant might not be the place you’d choose to spend an ideal evening, but you’re there for the company not the surroundings and if sparks fly, well, then you can just make sure you pick the next one.
4. I’m still in love with my ex
It’s time to be honest with yourself; if you’re not over your ex, then maybe now’s not the right time to be back on the dating scene. It can be tempting to rush into another relationship after you’ve had your heart broken but, in the long run, it’s worth taking the time to get your confidence back, grieve the end of your relationship and be completely ready to move on before putting yourself out there again.
5. I think we’re going to be great friends
While making new friends is always positive, there’s nothing that kills the mood quite like putting someone straight in the friend zone. Chemistry is important, but don’t underestimate the slow burn; it’s not always love at first sight and a good friendship can provide a great foundation for future romance. If you really don’t feel a spark – and don’t think you ever will – then it’s okay to let them down gently, but maybe wait until after your date!
6. I just don’t like kids
Of course, some of us just don’t want kids, but if you find yourself on a date with a parent, then leading with your hatred of their pride and joy is probably not the best move. And even if they don’t have children themselves, your date might be an enthusiastic uncle or proud godmother who will definitely take offense at your blanket opinion. At the very least, try to allow for there to be *some* exceptions to your rule.
7. I don’t believe in monogamy
There’s no denying that open relationships can work if both parties are in agreement, but unless you’ve discussed this early on, bringing up the possibility of future infidelities is probably not the best topic of conversation for a first date. Be upfront in your profile and in your opening messages so that everyone involved has the same expectations – if you’re not looking for anything serious while your date wants something long-term, then it’s just not going to work out.
8. My family is crazy!
So your Aunt might have run off with the milkman and you just discovered that your Dad has a long lost twin; we’ve all got skeletons in our familial closets, but we really wouldn’t recommend airing them all on your first date. This is the best time you have to get to know each other, not each other’s extended baggage – and nothing kills romance like early over-sharing.
9. Oh, I assumed you’d pay
People have a wide range of different attitudes when it comes to paying for a date (the invitee always pays, we always split the bill etc.), so you should never assume that your date adheres to the same rule as you. Make sure that you have enough cash to at least cover your share and then you’ll be on equal footing from the start.
10. Will you marry me?
So you’re at dinner on your first date and halfway through the main, you know it – they’re the one, finally! Should you tell them how you feel? Not if you want them to stay for dessert. Even if they feel the same way, adding a weight of expectation and extra pressure at this early stage of dating is almost certain to spell disaster. Keep you cool and see if you feel the same way a few dates down the line before sharing.
