IF YOU'VE NEVER...

If you've never woken up in the middle of the night to find a strange figure in your room, barely dressed, with hands over your mouth to prevent the sounds you might let out, then you have no right to judge me. If you've never ever been so confused as to why your cloth is being ripped off while you're being warned not to shout so as not to get into big trouble, then you have no freaking right to run your tongue. 

A hand is caressing her body and she's longing for fresh virgin air because of the stench of alcohol and cigarettes choking her. She's unable to escape the grasp and it's as if the more she tries to resist, the deeper the fingers crawl into her skin. Maybe she's just 4, totally oblivious of what is being done to her. She thinks that she's getting her punishment for being naughty and she doesn't want marks to be left on her skin because her friends will call her 'ugly'. In that case, she's lucky to still have her innocence and little or no memories to taunt her later, she might not even remember what happened in a few days to come. Only if it ends that night.

                      *************************

I am fifteen, Thelma is my best friend and she is eleven years older than I am. Dan was her boyfriend and they were madly in love. I had my fantasies and dreams, I wanted a boyfriend just as loving and sweet as Dan. He was so nice to me, he bought me nice stuffs and always complimented my looks. I only stole glances at him and found myself blushing, he had the most beautiful green eyes ever, they could stare into my soul and properly let out the fact that I had a crush on him. Dan was perfect.

Last night, I woke up to find Dan in my room, I thought he came to talk as usual. I was only surprised that he hadn't knocked or woken me up. He just stood there wearing a smile and looking at me like he'd been possessed. Before I could say a word, Dan was on my bed, holding me too tightly and saying stuffs that I didn't understand at that point. I think it was something about loving me more than Thelma and desiring me so much that he had sleepless nights. I thought we were just going to laugh it off in the morning and continue living as if it was just one of his sleepwalking madness.

Dan didn't leave, instead he started caressing my skin and putting his hands underneath my clothes. I thought Dan was really cute but I hadn't considered going intimate with him. I had never been with a boy before, only kissed a silly one once in school. I tried to stop him but he paid no attention. I felt something hard on my nightgown and that was when I noticed he only had his boxers on. He was trying to take off my cloth and I was begging him to stop. It was as if I was watering the dessert as he continued his tour on my skin.

"I promise you'll enjoy it. Just relax and let me show you love, Mara."

I tried to scream but it was trapped at the back of my throat and all that came out was whimpering. He started biting my lips, then my nipples. He aggressively inserted his fingers inside me while I tried to get rid of him. Before I knew it, he was inside me and was thrusting back and forth so vigorously that I almost lost consciousness. After my frivolous efforts to stop him, I opted to stay still until he got bored of me. It took an hour or thereabout and he was done. He lay wasted beside me for a while before he started dressing.

He spoke, "You look so innocent but you're not even a virgin. You're so loose and open down there, Whore!". I was too weak to speak so I just watched him as he left my room with a disgust look. 

I swore not to tell anyone about what happened, I'd gotten used to such anyway. As I entered the parlour to greet everyone, Thelma ran to me with the broadest smile ever. She looked so happy and flushed, I wonder why she was in such a good mood. She brought forth her left hand and I sighted a beautiful piece on one of her fingers.

"Dan just proposed to me and I said yes. We're getting married next weekend", she screamed.

I don't think 'shock' can well describe my reaction. All I could get out of me was,
"Why so soon?"
"He's leaving for Canada in two weeks to practice his medical profession and he wants us to go together"
"Oh! Congrats girl" I had to try my best to feign a smile and push the tears back.
"I love you very much Mara and I'll miss you very much" Thelma said and gave me a long kiss on my lips before running off, probably to shout down the walls.
She looked really happy and I was happy for her.

                ******************************

Thelma looked lavishly gorgeous. The church wedding was in two hours and we're both excited about her getting married to the love of her life.

"I wish you can go with us now but don't worry, I'm getting everything ready for you to join us in two months."
"Isn't it too early? You guys should enjoy at least six months alone as newly weds". I wasn't sure that I'll ever be with them over there at all.
"Rubbish" Thelma said, caressing me on the cheek and holding my hands tight. "You've been in my life for so long, even before Dan. I can't let you go dear, you know I love you very much"
"Of course I know. I love you too girl."

             ********************************
The church wedding was beautiful but the reception was even more heavenly. Words couldn't describe how the place looked, as if it was taken out of a book of fantasy. Everywhere and everyone looked beautiful. The flowers, roses and bluebells. The ornaments, the centre pieces... Everything looked breathtaking.

Thelma changed to another amazing dress and she looked so beautiful as ever. Dan whispered into her ears and she laughed loudly, so much happiness. As the maid of honour, I sat beside her and I filled up all our glasses for a toast. Dan stood to begin.

"A toast to my beautiful wife. God bless the gym that brought you my way" we all laughed. 

Thelma couldn't hold back her joy. She held my hands and blushed like a teenager.

"I had to borrow words from my darling Shakespeare to make this toast to you. It's my promise to you my love.......
"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending..." He coughed.

"Oh sorry, I feel there's something in my throat. Maybe Thelma's love is choking me." We all laughed again. Such a funny being.
He coughed again, this time beating his chest hard. As he tried to continue, the cough came again and this time he grabbed his wine glass to clear his throat. Thelma got uneasy and held her forehead as she got up to help him out. 

"Don't worry love, I'm fine. You're the one looks uneasy... Are you okay?" Then coughed again.
"I'm alright. Maybe I've had too much drinks," Thelma sayed and laughed, gulping down another glass.

When Dan didn't reply she looked to found him on the floor shaking vigorously with blood gushing out of his nose and eyes. Everyone surrounded them and Thelma cryed helplessly. Her shout got fainter by the minute and she soon laid beside him, dead too!

                 ***************************
I moved in with Thelma and her family when I was four, after losing my parents in a plane crash. We became more than sisters, we were inseparable. I loved her so much and she loved me too. She loved me so much that she snuck into my room every night with a dildo that she'd stolen from her mum's room. I refused her at first and fought hard until I was weak. She inserted her fingers into me, and then the object too. I screamed out but no one came to my rescue. Maybe the rain swallowed my cries. Thelma had started hanging out with a new group of friends and they taught her to puff smoke from a stick and also steal whiskey from her dad's bar. She did weird things with my body and made me touch her too. It went on for weeks and I stopped trying to resist her, I loved her and I wanted her to be happy. I didn't know what was going on but she seemed to enjoy it as she made sounds and laughed hysterically while I sobbed in pain.

"I love you Mara. You're the best and I'll never leave you for another, I promise."

It went for years. When I was of eight or nine, I tried to end it when I found out it was wrong but Thelma wouldn't hear a word of that. I stopped complaining and it went on until Dan came into the picture two years later. I didn't mind, her new boyfriend made her loosen her grip on me and I was relieved. I loved them both equally and I let go of the past. Oh yes I did, Until Dan resurrected the demons within.

                 ***********************
If you've never been through what I went through, if you've never loved like I did, if you've never been loved like I was, then you have no right to judge me or call me 'wicked'. If you choose to judge me still, your wine glass might be the next to have an extra substance, beautiying it!

Written by Nwana Adanna.

TEARS IN MY DAUGHTER'S EYES episode VII

As soon as we dropped Kamsi off at school, I turned to Neche.
"I want to give you a treat."
She wanted to say something. I noticed she wanted to turn my request down. Her gesture betrayed her outrightly. So I spoke up before she picked the right words.
"Please, do not turn it down."
She looked at me, blinked her eyes about twice, and then gradually pulled her sight away from my direction. She muttered as she took a deep breath; "Lets go home.."
The words hit me. She refused. She turned it down despite my plea.
"...to change."
I raised a brow in total surprise, and smiled in satisfaction with the right side of my mouth
"Thank you." I didn't even know when the words dropped from my mouth, though obviously because I was happy.

When we got home, I hurried to open the door to Neche's side of the car. But disappointingly, she did before i got to the door. I helped her close the door pretending that what she just did didn't get to me. As soon as I closed the door, i hurried to open the entrance door before she did again.
"Thank you." She entered with obvious gesture that she didn't need my help.

"I'm tired!" I had no other option than to voice out my frustration. "I'm tired of this cold war!"
Neche turned and looked over her shoulder at my direction with her right foot on the first layer of the staircase. She gave me a mockery smile which told me that I've not seen anything yet.
"Oh! really?" She turned and faced me properly.
Her eyes were fixed on me that I felt entrapped.
"Why are you doing this? Why do you want to break us up?" Cloud of tears was gathering in my eyes.
"Since when did you become a preacher, or let's say a Judge?" She countered.
"I know I messed, and I've apologized countless number of time. Why are you being this hard?'
"Oh! It's about me now right? So I'm now the villain? No..."
"Now, you want to blackmail me emotionally. You know it's not right." I defended.

The argument was hitting up rapidly like this is what we had been waiting for. I wanted it no doubt, i wanted her to spit out all what she had been nursing for long. Our hearts were going farther away from each other, our voices were raised, and tempo was really high when she yelled with every strength she had.

"I'm no longer interested in this marriage!"

That was the peak of it all. My heart leaped into my stomach. i couldn't move or say a word anymore. The only thing that differentiated me from a statue was my pumping heart.

"I'm tired! Just go and leave me alone!" She couldn't hold the tears back from trickling.

I watched her as she ran up the stairs obviously crying. The next thing I heard was the loud bang when she jammed the door close. I collapsed into one of the sofas right there in the sitting room. Something inside of me told me that I've made a progression, at least she had finally spoken out what was lurking up in her heart, but how it ended wasn't a sweet one at all.

As I laid on the sofa almost trying not to breathe, all that was in my head to do was how to make my family even better than how it used to be. What step am I to take next became a mountain to climb. I thought of preparing and taking her breakfast to her in bed, then I remembered I was to give her a treat.

I gently and quietly slid the entrance door of our bedroom open. I walked in quietly. She folded herself in a corner between our large bed and the wall close to the bed in the room.

"I'm so sorry for everything baby, I'm to be blamed for everything no doubt." I was close to her as i apologized.

I placed my hands on her hands which were on her folded knees. It was lovely that she remained calm. It encouraged me to grab her hands to lift her up. To my surprise yet again, she reciprocated, and we hugged. We hugged like we'd not seen each other for years; truly we'd not. We'd be existing but had not lived for each other for several months.

"I love you baby. I really do." I assured her with a kiss on her neck and right earlobe.

I became very careful not to make a wrong move again. If it meant hugging was all she wanted as the treat, it was perfectly okay by me.

"I'm hungry." She cooed.
My heart nearly jumped out of its socket when I heard that. That was the first request from her in a very long time. I knew she just said it, but I shouldn't need a soothsayer to tell me that she wanted me to prepare it for her.
"What will you like to eat?"
"Anything."
"Okay, you mind me carrying you down the stairs?"
She gave a weak smile and just nodded her head to the right and to the left.
I gently pulled her a little away from my body with my hands on her arms. She couldn't look at me as my eyes were fixed on hers. Her eyes rested on my lips, so I guessed she wanted a kiss. I pushed for it and she reciprocated...

Stay tuned for the next interesting episode

What happens next???

TEARS IN MY DAUGHTER'S EYES

Let me start like this...
I was a coward; I couldn't face my fears and insecurity, but i was man enough to raise my hands on my beloved wife. I was ruthless, heartless and never worthy to be called a father or even a husband, But in all, I've come to strongly believe that when a woman loves, she loves for real... That's why R kelly's "when a woman loves..." remains my favorite song.

Spare me not to bore you with how it all started. Though it happened just the first time about two years ago. I didn't want to do it but I did it anyway. I slapped her! I slapped my wife! She fell to the ground in our room and started to sob.
"why would you slap me?" Was all she repeatedly asked me as she sobbed.
My consciousness suddenly came to the reality of what just happened. What did I do? I hit my wife! I was dumbfounded and confused at the same. I went down on my knees and pleaded for mercies.
"Buchi why? Even if I was all wrong, is it enough to slap me?" She said as tears were trickling down her cheeks.
It was like my world came to an abrupt end. I begged and promised never do it again. She knew I was sorry for my thoughtless action. I drew her close and she held tight to my shirt and sobbed a little more before we laid right where we were and slept off.
One morning about two weeks after that awful incident, I was surprised how it repeated itself again. I hit my wife again. A week later, the same thing happened. The week that followed too. It became a weekly routine. It got to the extend that I stopped apologizing after any hit. Gradually I became an inveterate wife beater.
My precious wife's face was getting disfigured each passing day. Everything was getting worse for me and my life was even against me. We had no more romance. When would I see Neche give me that radiant smile that made my worries flee thousand of miles away.

I was taking my six years daughter, Kamsi, to school after just hitting my wife. It's been quite a while since I took her to school because I was always leaving home very early even before she woke up. But this morning, just like other days when I'd prefer to take her to school myself, I called my office to permit my lateness. My heart was heavy and I was lost in my thought when I heard Kamsi's sweet tiny voice ask me,
"Daddy, I don't like our home again. Why is mummy always crying?"
It felt strange. She had noticed it. I looked at her from the rear-view mirror as she shrank herself into her seat with tears in her eyes. I turned and took a proper but quick look at her, I noticed that my recent beastly self is destroying not just the peace of my family, but also the psychologically being of my i-will-die-for only daughter and child. I felt this cold vibes seeing my daughter's tears.
Silence reigned in my BMW X6 as I was speechless after the sound of her voice. But I knew I had to play on her intelligence just to protect her.
"Kamsi, you know daddy loves you right?" The first words came out.
"Yes. Mummy tells me that."
"Really? When was the last time she told you that?" My eyes were focusing on the road and the rear-view mirror now.
"Yesterday."
"yesterday..." I mumbled out. It's been almost 18months since i became a domestic beast, and my wife, the victim, went about protecting my home, her home, our family, telling our only child that I love her. I couldn't believe my ears. There and then I remembered how we started, Neche and I. I felt real romance for the first time in a long time. A part of me was dead, i knew it.

After dropping Kamsi off at school, I sped off to the office. Everything was seeming to be happening so fast. How would I begin with my apologies? I've done enough havoc. I hated myself and continually bang my steering.
I lost concentration completely through the day at the office. I left early with the excuse that my wife was critically ill. By the time I got home, Kamsi was home already. She was in Neche's arms on the couch when I entered.
"sweetheart, go to your room, your dad is back. I will call you when I'm done with your lunch, okay?" Neche told Kamsi.
Tears hung on Neche's eyelashes and her face was battered, exhibiting the magnitude of my brutality.
"Daddy, mummy is crying again." Kamsi said with tears trickling down her cheek as she ran to me for embrace. I knelt down and hugged her, looked into her eyes and said, "that's why I'm back early sweetheart. Mummy will stop crying okay?" She nodded her head. I hugged her again, her tears soaked my white shirt as I held her little head close to my heart.
"Now, go to your room like mummy said sweetie." She nodded again and Walked to her room quietly with her little school bag clinging at her back.
It was just Neche and I now. I just knelt still where I hugged Kamsi. I couldn't keep my gaze on her, not because she was looking horrible but because I was abaft it. To speak became a very hard thing to do, though this was the moment I had waited for all day. I took a deep breath; I felt very strange.
"baby..." That was the first word that escaped from my mouth.
"I'm sorry, so sorry for everything..." I was still trying to gain balance when she stood up and left for the kitchen.
That was it. I knew it would be hard to achieve reconciliation, even very hard. What would I give as a concrete reason for my inhumane treatment to her? Do I even have any? I remembered Kamsi's tears in the morning, and then a moment ago. I remembered how insecure I suddenly became when she innocently told me about her sudden promotion, I mean Neche, my wife. She had considered quitting her job because her boss was trying to sleep with her- and then the promotion. I felt depressed.

I went into the kitchen to meet her. She was micro waving bean and plantain. She leaned on the wall, and rested her folded hands on her belly. I walked slowly to her. I leaned my left hand on the wall and I tried to touch her with my right hand.
"Baby, we can make us work perfectly again." My right hand gently rested on her left arm now. She closed her eyes immediately I started talking.
"Buchi, please I'm not in for this." she stressed the "please." "If you need sex, come to the room. Kamsi's food is in the microwave." She said and walked out of the kitchen.
I stood there for a while with a numb brain. I managed to switch off the microwave and went to our bedroom.
When I opened the door to our bedroom, Neche was buck naked and was lying on the bed. Her legs were slight apart and her hands were close to her body.
My heart jumped into my belly as I walked in. I had relegated my wife to a sex toy. That was when I knew I had a long way to go in redeeming my wife...

           The remaining thrilling Episodes of this story would always hit this blog on Tuesdays... Stay tuned! Make sure you read to the end!